i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
