we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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