And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
