Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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