Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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