Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
