he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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