Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
