Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
