It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
