Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There's always time for handjobs
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize