Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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