Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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