Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
