i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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