I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
