I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
sarcasm needs its own font
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
