Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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