So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
