I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
