Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
