Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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