Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
