Jerry, you need to find god
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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