So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
