You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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