woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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