I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
