and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
