She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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