NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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