every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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