when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
