I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
