She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
