Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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