the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
