conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Sober January is a disaster.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
