I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
