I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
