and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
