Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
