Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
