sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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