Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
