Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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