I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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