Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
