I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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