separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
