My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
