OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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