are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
