either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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